Midnight Musing - Part 1.

Sometimes its really difficult to figure out who your real friends are. You know, like the ones that you read about, or watch on the movies. Like the ones that will be there for you when you want them to be. To carry you through.

I'll be honest. I'm a naive person and I'm also super sensitive. So, if you are really mean or rude or nasty to me, I will be hurt. Regardless of the fact that I try not to pay much attention to your cruelty, or your low opinion of me by telling myself that your quite beneath my notice, I will still let it get to me. I'll be bewildered, groping for clues as to what I did wrong, or hurt. And most times, both. It's bewildering, frankly, to realize, how no matter how you try to portray yourself as a particular person, the image the world gets is often quite the opposite. So, as much as I'd for people to think of me as intelligent, witty, clever and (yes, I know, I know, I'm vain.. but we all have our vices!), beautiful, I think I come across as rude, abrupt, too outspoken and ugly. So, really, who do I blame for this? The world out there, which is so stubborn about its condescending opinion of me, or myself for having so little self esteem? Because as much as I wish that there was nothing quite commonplace about me, it would be quite dishonest to deny that, well, my abilities are very ordinary. So, is it because of this that I have or I believe that I have fake friends? (I still think there are a few people I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt to). Or maybe everyone surrounding me is fake, and I'm just being naive in hoping to see something that's really not there.

Call me a dreamer, but in all these years, all I've ever really wished for was a genuine friend. Someone who will carry me through when the going gets rough. The kind that I can feel completely comfortable with revealing my deepest secrets without being subjected to cruel taunts or wicked jibes. And maybe I found that in some of the people in my inner circle. Again, maybe that was a false alarm. We humans, are so fickle minded, that its hard to really know or understand us. But, if I were to ever encounter a genie( yeah, I know, but a girl can dream, cant she :P), all I'd ask for was a genuine friend.