Frozen Flames Of Adolescence

I remember the day he hit me. How the back of his hand had struck my cheek. The sting of the slap, how my eyes has glazed over from the pain, my brain short circuiting and only later, registering the shock and the hurt. I was twelve.  Over the course of the years, both of us played a twisted game of hide and seek, when he was intoxicated. I ran, he chased. I hid, he sought. And when he found me, he celebrated by punishing me. I had become the most effective medium for him to channel all his frustration and hurt against the world. For someone else's fault, I paid the price.  My mother was a mute witness. She'd open her mouth and receive a punch to the jaw for her efforts to stop him. Everyday, we'd serve as his punching bags. He'd take out all his frustrations out on us, but mostly, me. My child body bore the the scars of an adults temper.  While kids my age sought to escape school, stay at home and play, I craved the opposite. My sole means of refuge was school. There, ...

I never really mourned your death. I knew it was coming, hell, I'd even foretold it. When I saw you in the mICU I knew you wouldn't make it. But when it did happen, I was blinded. I didn't know which way was up, which way was down. All I knew was that I wouldn't see you anymore, argue with you anymore or dance around with you anymore.  Well, it's been three years now, and it's just beginning to sink in. The grief, maybe that's the worst part. It catches you unawares, and overwhelms you to the point where you just stop functioning. Everyday, in someway or the other, I'm reminded of you. Your presence and that easy way you had of putting people in peace.  The other day at dinner, I was going on about foreign affairs and nobody else was interested. And, without preamble, I just welled up and cried, and cried. Right there, to my dads shock and my moms surprise. It's just finally sinking in that you're not there anymore.  You were so much, to me. The ...

To the girl I used to be, I may have not known this at that time, but you were an amazing person. Brave, strong, focused, shy and insecure and oh-so-sincere in everything that you did. I know that you loathed yourself every day of middle and high school, and that the 'nice' days were few and far in between. But, looking back, all I can say is that you were amazing. Amazing in the way you dreamed, in the way you aspired, and the way you soared. I think with time, I've managed to make out the difference between teenage awkwardness and earth-shattering humiliation. The 'love-of-my-life' to another teenage infatuation. A problem of immense magnitude and a small glitch in a regular day. Looking back, I've fallen in love with your naivety, your focused studiousness and your ambition, because somewhere down the line, I've lost these qualities. Your ambition and the way you went about what you wanted with a clear head, I miss that. You did not despair, you did n...

Today, was kind of different actually. I was up all night feeling nauseous, so my fabulous plan about mugging last minute for my Cell Biology exam the next morning went for a spectacular toss. Nauseous, sleep deprived and tensed for my exam, because even I don't like being that underprepared for an exam! That was me today morning, when I headed down for breakfast! It seemed like it was the first time that I was making conversation with the mess "akka's". Even though I did meet them every other day for lunch, dinner and snacks, and on weekdays breakfast too, it wasn't like this. Then, I'd have been busy and the conversation would have been over by the time we exchanged curtsies. But today morning, today morning it was actually different. I spoke to the akka's like I used too. After chatting away and pulling their leg, I proceeded to eat my pathetic excuse for a breakfast. Today, the grime was Dosa with Sambar and dry watermelons. If you've never seen...

So many dreams So many aspirations She watches in despair As they all come tumbling around her. Oh! How the mighty have fallen. For, it was not supposed to be this way. Not for the girl who was invincible. Well, now look at her lofty aspirations As they lie around her, as painful as Tender skin on glass shards. Where did all the courage go? The invincible nature of our fair miss. Because, from where I see, she's all alone.

So, I've been told by many people, my best friends included, that the first impression I make on anybody is that of an arrogant bitch. In fact, Sunita and Anurag, my best friends will attest to it.   I really have no idea why I get labelled as an 'arrogant bitch', or any of its other contemporaries, like 'rich bitch' or (Oh, I really like this one :P) a 'classy bitch'. For a long time, I've thought of myself as a warm, friendly, laid-back and genuine human being. I am introverted and cynical and reserved, but I never was or am an 'arrogant' person. So, its quite surprising that I come across as someone who is unapproachable.   Since, I'm only in college as of now, this label doesn't alter the dynamics of my day to day life, much. But this will change when I enter a work space. My future employers or clients, though they might like my resume(hopefully!), their first impression of me will possibly make the difference between being shown ...